Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize