So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
