tequila makes me forget i have legs
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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