i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
