maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
