i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
