Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
