Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
