Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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