I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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