god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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