covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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