my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
this just has baby written all over it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize