There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
