you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
