Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
