I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
