What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
