Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
