Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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