Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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