My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
