yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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