Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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