i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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