just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
