just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
