Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
