Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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