Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
