Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
