dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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