RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
