Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize