all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
