You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
