Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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