I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
