I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
