so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
