Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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