dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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