Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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