I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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