I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
