im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
