he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
