Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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