does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
