I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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