Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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