I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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