if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
