the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
