I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize