I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
