maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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