dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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