i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
