we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
