Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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