Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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