Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize