i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
