And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
