I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
