How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
