i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
