After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
