Already got asked if we're dating
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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