You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
