Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
try to milk me bitch
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
