i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
