This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
