He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
