Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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