I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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