Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize