Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i came on her dog
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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