the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
