the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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