Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
