I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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