in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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