I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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