After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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