I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize