Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
