watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
